AVIANO AIR BASE, Italy --
Picture your dream relationship. The person you’ve always wanted
is yours. It’s one of the best feelings in the world; having someone love you
as much as you love them. It seems as though nothing could go wrong because the
two of you work so well together. But things can change.
My story is about that relationship. Buckle up, hang on, because
we’re going on a bumpy ride.
I met my girlfriend at our technical school, the Defense
Information School at Fort Meade, Maryland. We knew each other for almost a
year before we started dating. I’m stationed overseas; she’s stationed in the
states.
Yes, a technical school romance, I know.
When we first met she told me she was from my home state of New
Hampshire. I immediately hugged her because I hadn’t met anyone from there in a
long time. Even after I left for Aviano, we kept talking.
One night, I got a call from work telling me to come in. I let her
know I wouldn’t be able to contact her for a while, so I told her “Ti amo,” I
love you in Italian.
Overcome with emotion, she said “I love you” back for the first
time. Worlds apart yet in love.
She visited me in Italy about five months after that conversation.
I gave her the grand tour of the base and introduced her to my coworkers, friends
and church. During the trip, we traveled around Italy and fell more in love. I
took her to Venice and we of course took a romantic gondola ride.
I’ve been in relationships before, but up to that point nothing
ever felt real. I felt like she was the one. But it didn’t last.
A month after the trip, we got in a small fight -- the last real
conversation we had as a couple. Five days later she called to break up with me,
and my happiness was instantly sucked out of the air. We had a long discussion where
I tried to convince her to come back.
She said, “I need to do what’s best for me. I’m sorry,” and hung
up the phone. I knew it was over. A feeling of emptiness filled me and I asked
myself, “What’s next? Where do I go from here?”
The next day, I went into work noticeably sad. I’m usually a very
energetic person, but that morning it was obvious that something was off. I knew
I needed to change my attitude, but I didn’t know where to begin.
First, I reached out to my friend, Tia. I told her the story, and
her response startled me.
“You can stop thinking about her anytime you want,” she said, “A
part of you doesn’t want to. It’s that way with every break up. You want to
think about it. You want to miss it. We don’t want to accept that it’s over.”
Her words helped open my eyes to why I was still attached. I
needed to accept the change.
Even after what Tia had told me, I still struggled.
I reached out to another friend, Mika.
“Only a strong person builds people up the way you do,” Mika said.
“When I thought I’d never get through tech school, you always showed me the
bright side of things.”
A switch flipped in my head and I realized I could get through
this.
After talking with my friends,
I went to the base chapel to meet with Ch. (Col.) Donnette Boyd, former 31st
Fighter Wing chaplain. I told her about my difficulty coping during the breakup
and she reminded me I wasn’t alone.
“The
worst part of our challenges can sometimes be the sense of loneliness and
isolation that we feel,” said Boyd. “Spiritual resiliency is about reaching out
for strength in our times of weakness. Whether you reach out to your higher
power or others, it’s important to know you’re not alone.”
Hearing
that helped me immensely, but I felt like something was still missing.
I did my best during work
and unit physical training, but outside of work hours I was very lazy and
unmotivated. I decided to make a change. With the help of my coworkers, Senior
Airmen Austin Harvill and Lance Valencia, I started lifting weights at the gym.
“No one can take your
personal health away from you,” said Harvill, “Physical fitness is probably
one of the most direct ways to improve your overall health. The results are
felt and seen.”
Between my friends, chaplain and physical fitness, I realized I’d focused
on improving all four domains of Comprehensive Airman Fitness to improve my
life.
You can be socially fit by being a good wingman and having good
wingmen around you. You can be mentally fit by making the right choices and having
a positive mindset. You can be spiritually fit by knowing you do have a purpose
and things will get better. You can be physically fit by putting in the hard
work it takes to keep your body in good shape.
There are great resources out there to help you if you start to
feel hopeless. Your Airman and Family Readiness Center, mental health and chapel
are just a few.
I used every resource available to me to overcome the feeling of
emptiness inside. And, I have successfully moved on.