My first badge of honor: being a military child

  • Published
  • By Senior Airman Austin Harvill
  • 31st Fighter Wing Public Affairs
AVIANO AIR BASE, Italy --  From the corner of the covered window in my home, a slow, black blob moved slowly down the street. Pulling back the lemon-themed curtains, my mother stood silent, completely transfixed. The jet-black sedan, windows fully tinted, crawled down the boulevard weighed down with the heavy news we knew resided within.

This was the reaper. Within the car there were true angels of death, here to tell someone the worst words anyone could hear on any military installation.

My mother stepped away from the window in a jerky, awkward motion. Could it be us? Was it dad? It couldn't be dad. He was just a boring old man, stuck in the green zone managing prisoners. He was fine. He had to be fine.

It wasn't us. The car slowly rolled past our home, halting a few rows down to meet a brand new widow. I didn't go outside, but others said you could hear her denial of the terrible truth all the way down the street.

For me, this hazy memory drifts in clarity. It wasn't dad, so I didn't really understand what was happening. I knew it was someone else, but that was the reality for a military child. It can affect anyone - a friend, a classmate or the new kid in class.

It was a part of my life and so many other children with which I grew up. From generation to generation, this reality has just been accepted, but for a while now there has been a shift in how we as a military culture view our youngest members - the brats.

With April coming to an end, so too does Month of the Military Child, a time that recognizes the struggles endured by children who have the honor to call a service member "dad" or "mom."

I don't know where I would be without the lessons my family taught me by simply moving around, and I'm not the only one. Military children have stood beside their parents who decided to serve, and I believe all of us understand what sacrifices the whole family makes.

More so, however, I believe we have a greater appreciation for service before self, as we often waved goodbye to fathers, mothers, siblings and friends for the sake of the nation. This appreciation stems from the necessity for us to adapt, and the lessons we learn and apply well into adulthood.

Debbie Lee, the Aviano Middle/High School 6th through 9th grade counselor, grew up a "brat" in the Vietnam era. Like other military children, she knew her father might deploy or attend a temporary duty, and that was normal.

"I didn't choose to be born into a military family, so there was no sense of transition, no decision on my part," said Lee. "But that doesn't mean I hated it. I had friends and I was happy. I learned a lot about adaptability and empathy. I learned to stand on my own two feet faster than a lot of other kids. We did this as a family, though, in my time. There weren't workshops or abundant resources for me as a child like you might see today."

Lee was part of the military culture that didn't fully recognize the struggles a service member's family endured. As a child, the impact of her father's profession was a circumstance she lived with, not a lifestyle.

"I didn't often go to any events tailored around my father's job, unless they were ceremonies" said Lee. "Some of my friends were like me and understood some of the quirks of being a military brat. Other kids at school couldn't really understand what it was like, and if I didn't say anything, they would never know."

Realizing Lee's generation had little support in a cultural sense, Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger designated April as Month of the Military Child in 1986. Growing up in the 90's and 00's, I was part of the first generation to take advantage of this new growth in military culture.

As a child, every month felt like my month. The culture gravitated toward ensuring the family was happy, and children were never left out. Everyone made an effort to show appreciation for the only members of the family who didn't choose this life.

When one of America's bravest passed away, the community revolved around the household he or she left behind. I remember a girl's father died while he was deployed during our 8th grade year.

This is when the appreciation was truly felt. We didn't care if she was our close friend, a distant acquaintance or just the girl we sat next to in class. During this time, she was family and deserved every ounce of care we could squeeze out of our awkward tween hearts.

Teachers let her see the counselor whenever she wanted, some even brought flowers or, if the teachers knew her well, her favorite candy... It was just people caring for people.

The loss of a service member wasn't necessary to bring the community together. A deployment would bring about a renewed sense of community, especially for the children. The teachers would pay a little more attention to them and their friends wouldn't playfully jab at them as much. It was all about making them feel comfortable, and we always exceeded our quota.

From my childhood to now, the situation has only improved. Now children have their own student sponsors when they arrive at a new location. Department of Defense schools speak regularly with commanders and other leaders to keep them involved in school. Children have a greater understanding of their unique situation, and if they struggle with a transition, have a medical condition or simply need a friendly ear, there are numerous classes and resources for them.

Mason Starleper, a 13-year-old Aviano Middle/High School student, shared his experience as a military child in this ever-improving environment.

"Even though I know we are a small group of children in America, I don't feel like we have it worse," said Starleper. "Teachers help us out, they reach out when our parents are gone. Here, I get to travel with my family and meet new friends. The only time I feel different is when my dad leaves."

Starleper also said his experiences have taught him valuable lessons.

"I know I am adaptable, which is something I know I need in my future," said Starleper. "Making friends isn't hard, either. I meet all kinds of people who teach me a lot of different things, and that [knowledge] might help me later."

Coming from three different times and places, Lee, Starleper and I have seen the military evolve as a culture that continues to enrich children. From Lee's beginnings as a post-Vietnam, self-sustained family to Starleper's experiences travelling Europe, the military has made leaps to better accommodate military children.

As a fellow "brat" I am proud to see these young boys and girls receive ever-improving commodities, recognition and appreciation. I am certain if we continue as a culture to lift up our future leaders, they too will wear their experiences as a badge of honor.